I thought I was someone who would never get on Facebook. But then twelve nice people I really liked asked me to join. I didn’t want to seem like a bad sport. So I figured, well, I can sign up and if I don’t like it, I can just leave. And once I got on, I realized that I didn’t really have to participate much at all, if I didn’t want to. I lurked for awhile. But I continued to receive invitations from more friends and I found that I was enjoying their updates, links, and photos.

 

Several different styles emerged: Some people, like me at first, prefer to lurk. Nothing wrong with that, although I’m sorry I don’t know more about what’s on these friends’ minds or what’s going on in their lives. Some people like to post short, cryptic, clever posts. Some people seem sort of like life coaches and post multiple times per day with edifying posts. Some like to promote their pet projects. Some are using it for primarily professional reasons (though I do tend to find that irritating; go to LinkedIn if that’s all you’re after). Some people use it as a way to keep scattered friends and family updated on what’s going on in their daily lives. Some people don’t post a lot of their own status updates but are very active commenting on their friends’. Some post updates frequently but rarely comment on others’. (Too cool to reciprocate? Reciprocating doesn’t fit their FB persona?) Some people drop in for a while and then drop out, not finding FB to their liking; it’s not for everyone, it’s true. Some post what seem to be actual questions designed to get a dialogue going but if you take the bait, you find out that the questions were evidently rhetorical. Not exactly sure what that’s about. Some people love the games, quizzes, and apps (that would not be me, however). And some people approach the site as a cyber social art form, posting a thoughtful or amusing status update here, an intriguing link there, and a beautiful, striking, or funny photo here and there, interweaving their own contributions with their friends’, with thoughtfulness and wit. You can find every variety of interests that you’d find in the culture in general: music, art, politics, babies, families, animals, social causes, gardening, food, etc., etc.

 

As most of my friends and family know, I’m not much of a game player (except for Scrabble. Oh, and Alien Autopsy.) I’m not exactly sure why. Maybe it’s because I grew up in an insanely competitive environment, and playing games that have winners and losers just brings up those uncomfortable old feelings that I’ve been happy to leave behind. Maybe it’s because I’m not much of one for rules. Maybe it’s because I’m not all that good at games (except for Scrabble and Alien Autopsy). Maybe it’s because they engage the left side of my brain too intently for too long. Whatever the reason, I don’t enjoy most of them. But I am liking Facebook. And I think of it as sort of a game, one where you can, depending upon your purposes, use social skills, creativity, empathy, intelligence, aesthetics, and word play. Not many games engage our social skills or empathy, which is too bad, really. On FB, there are many types of human skills that can ideally be called upon.

 

Another reason I like Facebook: Last spring, I accompanied Richard to a conference that ended up being held at a decaying resort in a funky part of California. There was no cell phone reception, and Richard and I, probably like most people, have become so used to using our cell phones when we’re away from home, we don’t have a calling card any more. But the resort did have broadband, so I signed on and tooled around the Internet while Richard was at a meeting; and while I was on, I received some devastating news via e-mail. Richard was in a meeting. I couldn’t call anyone without it costing a fortune via the resort’s long distance phone call policy. And I was a long way from home. I went onto Facebook and posted that I had just received some terrible news and could really use a hug. Within minutes, kind, compassionate, sweet people were sending me cyber hugs and sympathy. They totally shored me up. One of the things I’ve disliked about the evolution of the Internet is how often trolls take over comments’ sections on articles and blogs, showing the worst, most mean-spirited side of human nature. But on Facebook, you can choose the people who comment on your posts, and I’m fortunate to have lovely friends who are thoughtful and caring. At any given time, people are encouraging, comforting, or entertaining each other; they’re fluffing each other up, helping each other out, giving each other something toothsome to think about, sharing a triumph or a setback. They make me feel good every day.

 

Here’s another reason: I’ve made some new, delightful friends on Facebook. One of the cool aspects of the system is that you end up finding kindred spirits through posts and comments; you notice people you don’t know who are posting comments on the status report of someone you do, make friends, and the next thing you know, you’ve got a new, wonderful person in your life with whom you have a lot in common. I’ve also gotten to know people I knew only casually much better, and I enjoy the glimpses into their hearts, minds, and souls that they reveal on Facebook.

 

Facebook can be a great informal source of information as well; post a question and you can be pretty much assured that someone will have some good leads for you. It’s also a nice way to find out about things that you might not know about otherwise—events, links, movements, blog posts, sales, articles, websites, e-zines, etc. I spend a lot of time working at home on my computer, and Facebook helps me to feel connected to the world. It’s my virtual water cooler.

 

I’ve also read that participation on Facebook tends to increase mental acuity, like doing crossword puzzles or playing bridge. Nice to know! (I’ve read that this effect doesn’t extend to Twitter, I’m sorry to report.)

 

So, I don’t know how long the phenomenon will last—the fact is, being an active participant on FB is a time and energy commitment—but I’m enjoying it for now. I think one of the most wonderful things about it is the demonstration that technology doesn’t have to be impersonal and dehumanizing. In fact, when used creatively, it can be just the opposite.

 

Unfortunately, there is also a dark side. The need for constant, even cancerous growth and collective-ego-driven domination that raw capitalism breeds might end up being Facebook’s downfall.

 

 

 

I know that Facebook needs to find ways to make money and I’m honestly not opposed to paying for a subscription. I already pay subscriptions to other web entities whose services or products I value, especially if they give me the option for no ads, though I realize I’m in the minority at this point. Give people something for free as a taste and pretty soon, they feel entitled to it, and the thought of paying a modest subscription to support the zillions of man-hours that go into creating something like FB makes them very angry. But I feel we need to re-think that attitude and start considering all the hidden costs that support these systems. We do pay in one way or another. Nothing is really free.

 

 

 

And I would hope that there would be a number of Internet entrepreneurs eager to serve those who liked the original, social vision of FB, and who aren’t all that keen to “use” their friends, nor drag them all over the Internet like a piece of toilet paper stuck to their shoe.