The other day while I was cleaning out a storage unit, I came across an old journal, one that I had kept for writing purposes in the early to mid-1980s. I started leafing through it, finding some notes for true stories that had been told to me or that I had witnessed, thinking that they might make a good scene in a novel sometime. They never made it that far, but I got such a kick out of remembering these some of these stories, I was glad that I had written them down.

 

I don’t know what else to do with them, so I thought I would share three of them here and hope they might bring you a laugh or a smile.

 

One: I had a friend who worked for a theater company in NYC that was auditioning young male actors for the role of a Fifties’ greaser. Most of them showed up in character and in costume, which meant a white T shirt, black leather jacket, and tight jeans. Things went uneventfully until one guy swaggered in, grabbed the stool that was on the stage and straddled it. Because his jeans were so tight, he wasn’t wearing underwear. And he had chosen a well-worn pair. The second he plopped onto the stool, his jeans split along the seam in the worst place possible, and then … well, I’m sure you can imagine what happened next.

 

Two: We were visiting with a particularly eccentric and brilliant professor of Richard’s at a party one time and the subject of marijuana came up. “I don’t smoke pot,” he told us, “because the first time I tried it, my false teeth fell out. And they had a dog, you know. And the dog got a hold of my teeth and started playing with them!”

 

Three: We were visiting friends once and noticed a new purchase: the ugliest ceramic vase we had ever seen. “Wow,” we said, “that’s new, huh?” Our friends rolled their eyes. “Oh,” they told us, “we’re just keeping it for the time being. It was donated for a raffle.” Cool. Time passed; we returned for another visit. The ugly vase was still there! “Hey,” we said, “We thought you told us that was for a raffle.” They eyed it glumly. “It was,” they said. “We won.”